How To End A Relationship With An Alcoholic?
- Renato Leandro
How do I deal with a mean drunk boyfriend?
How to Deal With an Angry Drunk – The best way to deal with an angry drunk is to not engage with them at all if possible. They will not be in their right mind, and you are unlikely to get a rational response at all, so attempts are often futile. The smartest bet is to remove yourself from the situation.
- Engage with your loved one when they are sober.
- Voice your concerns about their anger and aggression when drunk.
- Try to remain objective and keep emotion out of the equation.
- Give specific examples of the behaviors that are unsettling you.
- If you are concerned about your safety, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline any time at 800-799-7233,
You should take sensible steps to avoid placing yourself in situations with an angry drunk. If you feel your loved one needs professional help to quit drinking, or guidance on how to deal with a mean drunk, you should educate yourself about addiction treatment.
Is drinking alone a red flag?
Here are five warning signs you or someone you love has a drinking problem. –
Getting drunk alone. Commonly overlooked, getting drunk alone is an absolute red flag that you may have a problem. Drinking should be social. When you are drinking alone, it’s likely you’re using it as a coping mechanism which is bad news. Missing work or cancelling plans with friends. Whether it’s because you’re under the influence or recovering, alcohol should never get in the way of daily activities. If your drinking is becoming a choice over plans with family and friends it’s time to consider your priorities and get some help. Lying about drinking. If at some time or another you’ve lied about how much you’ve consumed or how often you consume it’s a likely you’ve got a problem. Consider why you’re lying about it. Is it because you’re ashamed? Is it because you know you’ll be in trouble or is it because you’ve failed on a commitment. Either way, these are huge warning signs. Failing to quit. People often make decisions to reduce or stop drinking either for a period of time or forever. Failing to stop drinking once you’ve made that decision should be a cause for concern. Hiding alcohol. If you’ve ever hidden full or empty bottles of alcohol to avoid being caught by loved ones, it’s time to really think about getting help. The same goes for sneaking alcohol into non-alcoholic beverages to avoid getting caught. This is a sign you’re highly dependent on alcohol.
If one or all of these apply to you or someone you know, please consider talking to someone. Both and sites include ways to find local chapters where you can seek help. Also seek out some of your local resources for alcoholism, chemical dependency, and drug abuse.
Are you still an alcoholic if you are sober?
Just because someone is clean does not mean that they have treated their alcoholism. Stopping drinking is only the first part of an alcoholic’s problem. They also have a problem with their mind, which works to avoid and be resistant to feelings of anger, fear, shame, loneliness, and guilt.
How do I tell my boyfriend to stop drinking so much?
How to Stop Your Boyfriend from Drinking: What to Do & How to Help Him
- Alcohol abuse can put a strain on your relationship. His drinking may lead to arguing or conflict, which can lead to even stronger impulses to drink. Recognizing the signs of abuse and pointing them out to your boyfriend can help open the door for a meaningful conversation about his drinking. Some signs include:
- Arguing related to his drinking
- Covering up or hiding his drinking from friends and family
- Drinking to reduce relationship stress
- Domestic violence
- Drinking in order to show affection
- Alcohol abuse can also take a toll on your boyfriend’s personal life. Every person responds to alcohol differently and there is no clean line between normal and problematic drinking. If alcohol is affecting his day-to-day life and health, it’s time to start a conversation around his drinking. Some signs include:
- Neglecting work or home responsibilities because of drinking or hangovers
- Binge drinking or drinking more than intended
- Lying about or covering up the amount that he drinks
- Blacking out
- Continuing to drink even when it’s causing problems
- Self-medicating to cope with anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder
- Wait until you are both in a good mental space for a meaningful talk. Don’t confront him about his alcohol use late at night if he’s already been drinking, or early in the morning if he’s hungover. Make sure alcohol is not present for any part of your discussion.
- Try talking while doing a quiet activity you both enjoy together, like going for a walk or playing a board game. This will give him easy opportunities to pivot the conversation if he’s not ready to have it and minimize the chance of emotional outbursts. Plus, the quality time will help build trust that you have his best interests at heart.
- It may take more than one conversation before he decides to seek help. This is normal and it can take weeks or months before he is ready to change or admit that he has a problem. If he’s not ready, wait for another good moment to bring it up again and let him know you’re still concerned.
- End each talk with “I’m always here if you do want to talk about it” to show your support and keep the door open for future conversations.
- Don’t push the issue or start an argument if he is not ready to talk. Let the situation breath and use the downtime between conversations to reach out to an addiction professional or research support services for him or yourself.
- Your boyfriend did not develop a drinking problem on purpose. Alcohol marketing and social norms around excessive drinking make it easy to fall into bad habits, especially if he is already under stress. Give him the chance to tell you his feelings by asking open questions that start with “what,” “why,” “when,” “how,” or “who.”
- For example, “Why did you feel the need to drink so much last night?” will draw a more detailed and emotional answer from him than “Did you mean to drink that much?”
- You can also phrase your questions as statements to get a conversation going. Try something like, “Tell me how you feel when you decide to start drinking.”
- Avoid asking simple “yes” or “no” questions. He’s less likely to open up and may feel interrogated instead of cared for.
- It’s common for people to dismiss concerns about their drinking. He may get angry or defensive when the topic comes up, or try to laugh it off and downplay the seriousness. If he shuts down your concerns because he doesn’t believe he has a problem, show him how his alcohol use is impacting his life and your relationship with specific examples of when his drinking led to arguments, injuries, legal trouble, or other problems.
- Calmly acknowledge his feelings while expressing your concern if he dismisses you. Try something like, “I understand you don’t want to hear about this right now, but I want you to know that I’m still worried about you.”
- Don’t take a negative reaction personally. Give him time to process your concerns and try again later.
Don’t mix other issues or heavy emotions into your conversation. Stay calm and zero in on his drinking habits and your concern for his well being. He might already feel guilty or anxious about his behavior, and hurling blame or accusations at him might make his compulsions to drink worse.
Don’t send mixed messages about your concerns. If you tell him you’re worried about his drinking but then have a happy hour cocktail with him after work, he’s going to be confused and take your conversations about it less seriously. It’s best not to drink at all around him. Advertisement
- Tell him you’re concerned with his wellbeing. Severe alcohol abuse can cause a variety of long term health problems, like liver and heart disease, and can even lead to shortened life expectancy or death. Focusing on something tangible and personal to him, like his health, shows you’re genuinely worried and will help him trust you on his road to recovery.
- Tell him something like, “I’m worried that you’re hurting yourself by drinking so much. I want you to be alive and healthy for as long as possible.”
- Watching his health stats improve can also be a huge motivator for him to stay sober and continue making healthy choices.
- He needs to see the negative consequences of his drinking. Shielding him from responsibilities or consequences will only enable his behavior and help him put off the decision to get help even longer. Support him in his journey to sobriety, but don’t take responsibility for his actions.
- It’s normal to want to protect someone you love from embarrassment or harm. Remember that he is the only one responsible for his behavior, and it is up to him to change.
- Reach out to friends and family members that share your worries. Plan a time to talk to him together in a comfortable and private space where everyone can speak freely. Everyone should share specific examples of how his drinking has impacted them and collectively offer a treatment solution, like a doctor visit, a self-help group, behavioral therapy, or inpatient rehab.
- It’s vital that everyone involved is coming from a place of concern and doesn’t use the opportunity to vent or erupt at your boyfriend. Make a plan of what to say together and ask everyone to stick to the plan.
- If you’re not confident planning the meeting yourself, consult an addiction specialist beforehand for advice or even to run the meeting.
You did not make your boyfriend drink. You are not guilty or responsible for his behavior. You can’t force him to change. Alcohol addiction is a complex disorder with many overlapping physical and emotional causes. You can support him, but it’s up to him to recognize the negative impact of his drinking and to take the right steps to get sober. Advertisement
- You can support him the best when you feel like your best self. Attend to your own needs, give yourself time to manage stress and practice self-care, and ask for help from friends, family, or a professional if you need it. You don’t have to help him all by yourself.
- Support your own mental health by communicating your feelings, making healthy choices, and celebrating your small wins.
- There are support groups and resources available for people struggling with a loved one’s alcohol use. Reach out to an addiction professional, your doctor, or your therapist for recommendations.
Keep showing your support after he decides to get sober. Go with him to doctor appointments, support groups, or counseling appointments (if you’re allowed). Sit with him while he researches treatment options or calls a helpline. Be a part of his recovery plan and help him decide how to make the changes he needs to improve his life and your relationship. Advertisement
- Your boyfriend will have to make major adjustments to live sober. Explore new hobbies with him, join him at sober social activities, and help him find healthy ways to manage stress, like journaling or exercise. Your love and support will help keep him on track as he builds a stable, sober life and addresses the issues that caused his alcohol abuse to begin with.
- Be prepared for relapses and hard moments. The road to recovery is not a straight line, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for any setbacks he experiences along the way.
Ask a Question Advertisement This article was co-authored by and by wikiHow staff writer,, Dr. Tala Johartchi is a Clinical Psychologist based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. With expertise and advanced training in Evidence-Based Practices and therapeutic/behavioral frameworks, Dr.
- Johartchi specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families experiencing Substance Disorders, Love Addiction and Codependency, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as common co-occurring disorders such as Depression, Anxiety, and Relational/Attachment difficulties.
- She earned an MA and PsyD in Clinical Psychology from The American School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University, San Francisco.
This article has been viewed 9,150 times.
- Co-authors: 3
- Updated: January 3, 2022
- Views: 9,150
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 9,150 times. : How to Stop Your Boyfriend from Drinking: What to Do & How to Help Him
What do you do when your spouse drinks too much?
How To Deal With a Husband Who Drinks Too Much – Dealing with someone who drinks too much is not an easy undertaking. Depending on how alcohol impacts the individual, it’s important to understand that unsafe drinking habits can lead to unsafe situations within a given household.
Dealing with a husband who drinks too much can feel next to impossible, and many spouses may experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. It’s critical to find outside help when looking for support, particularly from those who have experience addressing substance abuse. If you’re unsure how to address alcohol abuse, the following tips may help provide clarity.
First and foremost, if emotional or physical abuse occurs, family members must stay safe and are removed from situations where abuse can escalate. Finding helpful resources may be a top priority for people whose husbands are battling alcohol abuse. In addition, alcohol recovery specialists offer the following suggestions:
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Voice your concerns calmly and lovingly. It’s important to choose a time when your spouse is sober and approachable. A clear mind usually makes it easier to discuss issues arising because of alcohol abuse. By keeping the lines of communication open, your goal is to bring attention to the detrimental effects of alcohol and remind your spouse that they have your support when they’re willing to seek treatment or rehabilitation care.
Discuss Contributing Causes to Your Spouse’s Drinking.
Those who drink heavily seldom enjoy drinking. More often, they drink due to life situations that can cause anxiety, fear, depression, worry, and other negative expressions. Addiction specialists should begin treatment by addressing alcohol misuse and mental health concerns that may cause or contribute to ongoing drinking habits.
Provide Concrete Examples of a Drinking Problem.
Be prepared to share specific instances with a person with a drinking problem. At times, alcoholism can have profound effects on complex structures within the brain, according to the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.
Don’t Present Ultimatums
If you insist on hard options like, “Stop drinking, or I’ll leave!” be prepared for the possibility that your partner will choose alcohol over the other option. This will increase stress, frustration, and pain in the relationship. Offer advice or options for help. Do your research ahead of time. Learn about effective programs. Find ones in a format your husband might consider.
Don’t Be Judgmental or Accusing
Alcoholics may already feel shame and low self-esteem. Alcoholism is a disease. Its lure is powerful. Don’t judge or berate. Shaming an addict is likely to increase their denial, anger, and further drinking.
Make Wise Use of Resources
Perhaps you know someone who is a successful recovering alcoholic. Find out how they did it if they are open to discussing it. Ask for advice. Discuss the best way to approach your spouse. Ask if that person would be willing to talk to your spouse. Sometimes, information from someone who has been there can be more compelling.
Find out about Treatment and Recovery Programs
Be prepared to offer local and online sobriety and recovery resources. Be ready to support your husband in making initial contact and undergoing treatment and recovery.
Be a Good Role Model
If you believe your spouse has an alcohol problem, it is inconsiderate and unsupportive to drink alcohol in his presence.
Avoid Enabling Behavior
Don’t provide your spouse with alcohol. Do not put him in social situations which encourage drinking or trigger episodes of mental health. Additionally, avoid making excuses for problematic drinking habits and behavioral changes. Instead, take these changes as possible signs that alcohol abuse is causing major relationship issues.
Be Present. Understand. Be there for Detox and Recovery.
Educate yourself and other family members about alcohol addiction. Encourage your spouse in his efforts to get sober. Tell him you know how hard this is and how proud you are of his efforts. Support your husband through every stage of getting clean and sober. Attend support group meetings. Get support for yourself and other family members. Continued support is crucial to rehab and recovery.